Failure – a word that initially makes most people uncomfortable. In the ancient world, it represents failure and defeat, the moment when something does not go as planned. But what does it really mean to fail and what does it entail? And why is it more important than ever to address this issue in the new world? In this article for the Gentleman Blog, business coach Eva Boos from Berlin explains what constitutes failure, how we can deal with it and why it is the key to personal growth.
What does failure mean?
Failure is much more than not achieving a goal. It’s a state in which our expectations and reality collide and at first feel like it’s setting us back. Whether professionally, relationally or in personal projects, failure feels like failure and is, in most cases, accompanied by a feeling of shame. But if we look at it more closely, it is above all an opportunity to learn and develop.
The philosopher Samuel Beckett said it well:
“Already tried. Never failed. Never mind. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.“
Why is it more important than ever to be able to fail?
The social context plays a big role here because in the Western world we tend to follow an achievement-oriented narrative, that is, we like to tell success stories that can score points. This promotes performance and competitive thinking. Added to this is the influence of social networks with images and stories that above all show the perfect career – usually without failure. This makes many feel like only they are failing and others are not, making management even more difficult. But it is precisely this pressure that forces us to reevaluate failure. For what?
- Innovations are born from failure.
Many inventions and advances are born from mistakes. From the light bulb to penicillin via the Post-it. Our courage to take risks and fail is what motivates us. - Authenticity becomes more valuable.
People appreciate honesty. Anyone who recognizes their mistakes demonstrates strength and character. Failure and the mistakes it causes open up real connections for us, whether professional or personal. - Failure teaches us to adapt.
In a constantly changing world, the ability to adapt is irreplaceable. Failure shows us what works – and what doesn’t.
The link between resilience and failure
Resilience means psychological resistance, that is, the inner capacity to overcome crises and emerge stronger. Failure and resilience are inextricably linked because we ultimately emerge stronger from each failure and thus maintain our resilience.
By the way: people who approach situations in a curious, open and optimistic way, that is, in an assertive and confident manner and who are more likely to be in solution mode, have a much easier time failing than people who approach situations in an inflexible, perfectionistic and controlling manner in order to achieve a good outcome in the future.
How to develop resilience?
- Self-knowledge
This includes the opportunity to reflect on yourself and your own approach in situations of failure.
- Emotional stabilization
Deal with disappointment, regain self-confidence and stabilize self-esteem and thus build psychological resistance, that is to say resilience
- Realignment and strategy
Integrate lessons from the situation into future decisions and actions, calibrate or realign objectives
Failure as a learning process
To what extent psychological safety plays a role in businesses
Harvard professor Amy Edmondson coined the term “psychological safety.” This is actually a very important approach to helping people in businesses and organizations deal better with failure.
Psychological safety describes a climate within teams or organizations in which people feel safe to take risks, admit mistakes, and express themselves openly without fear of negative consequences to their status or career. When this security is present, people more easily accept failure as part of the learning process and actually learn from their mistakes.
In science in particular, “failure” is an essential part of the development process. The term here always has a positive connotation. What our society can learn from this is that failure is a necessary part of the development process, not only for science, but also for each individual and therefore for society. If something doesn’t work, you need to try again.
Failure in private and professional environments
People who learn to accept setbacks as part of their growth process may fail more easily in both environments. Of course, resilience, confidence and adaptability are good conditions for this.
What can make a difference is that failure on a personal level can have a different emotional impact because, for example, a breakup makes you feel personally challenged as a person. In the professional field, this manifests itself more as strong self-doubt that you have not achieved the required performance.
Why are people afraid of failing?
The fear of failure is a primordial fear because, as human beings, we need social and community interactions to survive. The fear of being excluded from a group is great and could, in the past, have been at least life threatening.
In a professional context, we come from the era of industrialization, where mistakes were not allowed. And in start-ups, people want a culture of mistakes as a learning process. However, concrete implementation is often lacking. Training alone is not enough here. But when mistakes occur, they are not always seen as part of a growth process, but rather as inadequate.
Shame plays a role here. Failure first leads to doubting one’s own value, which leads to a feeling of inferiority and shame because one’s self-image is massively called into question. Shame plays a particularly important role in people who have low resilience and who view failure as a personal shortcoming. Optimism, resilience and stable self-esteem are extremely helpful here.
What makes people fail more easily?
A generous and error-friendly attitude towards ourselves and others allows us to fail more easily. As is confidence in your own abilities and those of others and genuine enjoyment of experiences.
My 5 tips to make failure easier:
- Develop a positive attitude:
View failure as a step on the path to success. - Find help:
Open conversations with friends, mentors, or partners provide many different perspectives. - Set realistic expectations:
No one is perfect and setbacks are one of them. - Forgive yourself:
Self-criticism can be constructive, but it should not be overwhelming. - Take small steps:
Big goals are important, but small successes motivate and help reduce fear of failure.
Conclusion: see failure as an opportunity
Failure is an inevitable part of life – and one of the most valuable. It shows us who we are, where our strengths lie, and how we can grow. For people who often experience pressure to be strong and succeed, finding a new way to deal with failure is especially important.
To fail courageously is to live courageously. This means seizing opportunities instead of remaining passive for fear of setbacks. And those who can fail have the best foundation for long-term success – professionally and privately.
So: let’s put aside perfectionism, accept risk and celebrate failure. Because it is only when we fall that we learn to truly get back up.